British Politics decides the MVP
The Major League Baseball Most Valuable Player trophy will be hotly contested this season.
In the National League, the list includes Adrian Beltre, Scott Rolen, Albert Pujols and Barry Bonds. In the American, Manny Ramirez, Vladimir Guerrero, David Ortiz and Ichiro Suzuki are solid candidates. Pitchers who will be considered, then ignored for MVP, include Mark Mulder, Curt Schilling, Johan Santana and Eric Gagne.
You know what I hate about this award? It always goes to a playoff winner and there’s no actual definition on the books to determine who wins.
Some voters won’t give it to a pitcher, since they have their own award. Fine, except that no one called it the Most Valuable Position Player award. To be honest, a pitcher could deserve it more than a designated hitter but that doesn’t stop voters from tossing an ante in that direction. Most Valuable? Valuable? To whom? His team? If that’s the case then Steve Carlton’s 1972 performance could be the most valuable in history. How else do you explain a guy winning 27 games for a team that won 59? That’s just absurd.
You got the sentimental vote, the small market vote, the we-don’t-like-his-attitude vote (formerly known as the Ted, now renamed the Bonds and solely responsible for the very existence of Terry Pendleton) the best-player on best-team vote, best-player on a playoff-team vote, best final month of the season vote, et al. We’ve got more parties than a British election for the House of Commons. To that end…a British spin on the MVP voting.
For the Conservative Party: Barry Bonds. He’s always a conservative bet. Puts up good numbers and no one shall question your actions.
For the Labour Party, representing the working class: Scott Rolen. A no nonsense kind of guy, just shows us, does his job, does it very well and doesn’t make a lot of noise.
For the Liberal Democrats: The Lib Dems want to increase taxes on the rich to pay for abolishing tuition for university students. Talk about a party made for the luxury tax! Their candidate is Ichiro Suzuki. Riding a platform that all should be included in the vote regardless of background and favoring open-government, what could be more open than a hitter from another country who sets the record for most hits in a four-year span or hits in a single month? Ichiro is a destructive force in the batters box and on the bases.
For the Socialist Workers Platform: Believing that high arms spending fuels economic boom, who better to chose than Manny Ramirez? The Boston management and wunderkind Epstein couldn’t trade Manny for Alex Rodriguez, leading to the Yankees making the trade themselves. The Yanks and BoSox are the Cold War of baseball, two titans vying for every scrap of technology, equipment, every loose nut and bolt in eyesight.
The Socialist Labour party was formed when Tony Blair moved British Labour Party towards to the center. Their candidate is Vladimir Guerrero. As the league moves the Expos centre of the continent, the Expo-now-Angel was a victim of that yet-to-come move.
For the British National Front: Curt Schilling. Known for representing blue collar workers and the self-employed, Schilling is a good choice here, going to the team willing to pay the bucks, yet still maintaining his right to free speech and to speak his mind.
The Monster Raving Loony Party: Mark Mulder. He’s just a guy who goes out and wins almost 20 games every season. Anyone voting him the MVP is a loony.
Workers Power: Adrian Beltre. Emphasizing international organization, the Dodgers are the perfect example of a team that loves players from all nations. Beltre is Dominican and thus, clearly fits the international mold and tradition the ravine-dwellers enjoy.
Co-operative Party: Albert Pujols. The Co-ops wish to advance themselves through recognizing cooperative enterprises. This sounds like Pujols, who makes Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds looks that much better than they already are just by being in the lineup. Heck, Pujols even makes Tony Womack look good and that’s no easy task.
In the end I think Bonds and Ramirez should win but Beltre and Ortiz will.
