Color me Bland
I want to live in a lavender house full of boobies.
Okay, wait, let me explain that one. My girlfriend asked if I’d live in a house that was painted lavender on the outside. I said “Sure, know why? Because guys don’t care about that sort of thing.” She asked what we do care about. I told her “What’s inside? Like, furniture and stuff.” She suggested that I also want a house full of naked women.
True enough. I care more about naked women than the color of my house. However, in all fairness, there’s precious little I care less about than that. Blue house, white house (or eggshell, ecru, whatever); it’s just not important to guys.
Now jersey colors – that’s something that matters. You need colors to rally around. Colors can be very important, especially in game apparel. Every year, in every sport, at least 5 teams change their jerseys, usually for the worse. For example,
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I mean, you can’t decipher the logo, and that color? Mustard? In fact, it’s worse than mustard, brown mustard at that. Where were they going with that?
The real problem there is, naturally, money. A new jersey means one more thing the die- hard fan thinks he or she must have in their closet or in their child’s or spouse’s closet.
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The Red Sox alternate, just like the alternates for the Twins, the Indians, et al, look like beer-league unis. Jerseys that someone’s kid designed. Jerseys designed in the dark. By someone who knows nothing of fashion. And is color blind. And hates sports. And fans. And me. Yes, me specifically.
The classic uniforms are exactly that, classy. Pinstripes. Red, white and blue. Simple blue and white for Penn State. The best uniforms are the ones that exercise something the modern ones can’t touch – simplicity. No multi-colored sleeves. No elaborate plans.
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You know, maybe it’s just the color yellow or orange. These don’t look like the best tops I’ve even seen. I don’t think anyone really wants to take the field looking like this.
Do we need a ban on the color orange? The Broncos’ orange jersey was actually red.
Who wears orange? Nobody, and with just cause. It’s just an absurd color for anything other than a pumpkin and nobody wants to be thought of as a pumpkin, believe me.
