Superman
Some people are living on the edge. I’m subletting from a guy who lives on the edge.
There are some things that have always bothered about certain superheroes.
For starters, Superman, with his gifts, should be able to whip all the other superheroes added up. Ignoring that for now, here are my problems with Superman.
First, why is it when a bullet bounces off his chest that his shirt isn’t ripped? I mean, does the Man of Steel also have Undershirts of Steel? There should be a hole in his shirt. There should be a hole on all parts of his clothing. If Superman is chasing a bad guy and the villain shoots him in the back, shouldn’t there be a big hole back there? Or on the leg? Or a hole in Superman’s shoe? What is Clark Kent gets shot in the foot? Don’t you think someone will notice that there’s no bullet hole in his Chuck Taylors? I think someone would have caught on by now. Lastly, what if he gets shot in the forehead? Somebody ought to notice Clark Kent taking one, literally, on the chin, and walking away like nobody’s business.
Second, does Superman fly? I think he really just floats, or levitates. Flying is to ‘float, wave or soar in the air’. I think Superman just floats. Flying would probably imply some sort of propulsion system and Superman doesn’t need any gimmicks; he ain’t Batman. I believe Superman levitates, omnidirectionally, and occasionally at a high speed. Is that flying?
Third, the whole secret identity. I know it’s been done before but anyone who couldn’t figure out that Clark Kent was Superman is one step above being a vegetable.
Fourth, Superman is cool because he has an arch-enemy, namely Lex Luthor. Heroes are often measured only by the magnitude of their opponents. Superman had other enemies, but have you even heard of Darkseid or Parasite or Doomsday or Brainiac? Nowadays you call someone Brainiac when they spill ink on themselves.
So what am I saying? I’m Superman may be a tad overrated.
