DON’T be all that you can be
Be…all that you can be. That’s how the commercial goes.
Honestly, I don’t want to be all that I can be.
That sounds like a tremendous amount of work. Honestly, being all that I can be? Being all would mean being available to help friends that I’m not such good friends with move from one house to another. Being all that I can be would mean giving time and money if I had extra. Of course, I have the fall-back excuse that I do NOT have any extra money, but everyone has extra time if they make time. All it takes is one less hour of prime-time TV and >Boom< you’ve got time.
Make I could be half of all I can be. How’s that? 50% isn’t bad. Naturally I wouldn’t maintain that every day, just on occasion. Some of the time I can be 50% of all I can be.
Tell you what – I promise to start at 20% of what I can be. Right off the top, straight out of the gate I’ll give you 20%. I think with my work ethic, education and background I can safely promise 20% no problem at all. Soon after, once I get my feet wet, that’ll jump to 25% like you never knew what hit you. There you have one-fourth of all I can be and you didn’t even have to beg or plead or anything.
Now after a while I’m sure that 25 will grow to 30 or even 33% of all I can be. That’s one third. You betcha, man! One-third of all I can be is just sitting there, taunting you, laughing behind your back and mocking your walk and your shoes. Seriously, those shoes? You’ve got to do something there. The walk I can accept – that’s genetic – but those shoes are a damned atrocity. Take’em off already. Here I am giving one-third of all I can be and you don’t even have the decency to contribute decent footwear. I swear, some people.
Now we get into a gray area. I could get as high as 40% of all I can be, but now we’re talking serious labor. Paying attention, keeping track of things, being aware of my environment – I’d have to be alert and awake nearly all day and that’s one hell of a sacrifice on my part. I expect that for 40% I can make fun of people for no reason, have gifts and food brought to me on command and the dress code is gone completely. You’ve heard of casual Friday? Say hello to All-Nude Friday, providing the caveat that I can banish someone for improper nudity or at a minimum select those who must participate. Yes, I think for 40% I can get pretty much anything I want and most of the time, too.
That’s it. I don’t think I’m going higher than 40% of all that I can be. So be happy with it – I can just as easily slip back down to 35 or 30% with no trouble at all – and then you’ll be sorry you messed with me. You’ll sit back in your cushy chair and rue the day you weren’t happy with 40%. “Why didn’t I just accept him at 2/5 of all that he can be? I’m a fool!”
Yes, yes you are.
