In n Out burger has a litany of secret menu options and ordering rules and the only people who know them are the ones on the inside – the menu is a weapons-grade-guarded secret and you can only glean info by eavesdropping or by someone at InO management pulling you into the fold.

Kinda like Scientology. Can I order my Thetan Burger double-double-animal style?

Competitive eaters, people who endorse competitive eating, people who coined the phrase competitive eating, people who think competitive eating is a real thing to be talked about, people who cover competitive eating as if it were a sporting event.

In general I like what ESPN does, but not without fail. This gar-bage is a tragic, epic fail. Not a sport, not interesting, not smart and not something we should encourage in human behavior. Give them all a beating please.

Score: Green Bay 24, Pittsburgh 20

Food: Chili

10. Jon & Kate Plus 8, but only on weekends and alternating holidays.

9.  Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Jon’s new girlfriend Sherry.

8.  Jon & Kate Plus Block, Sharpe and Levine, LLC.

7. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a room divided by masking tape.

6. Jon & Kate Plus bitter resentment

5. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus Kate’s new girlfriend Sherry.

4. Jon & Kate Minus 8 cos the kids cited irreconcilable differences.

3. Jon Plus 24 hours of uninterrupted silence.

2. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus a speedy reconciliation in order to keep their million dollar show on the air.

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8 Join the Octomom Plus 14 in secluded anonymity.

Yes, the long awaited results of the Snackdown are here and the winner is…

Brownies!

Brownies defeated Ice Cream in the finals 9-5 as the snack that reigns supreme.  Whether plain or fudge, chewy or hard, filled with nuts, chips or anything else you have handy, congrats to Brownie lovers everywhere.

In the consolation match, French Fries beat Donuts for 3rd place.  A representative for the potato community thanks everyone who voted and reminded us that a potato can also be made into batteries, not just yummy salty treats.

10. Fenway Frank

9. Oriole Nachos

8. Los Angeles Angel Hair Pasta

7. Dodger Dog

6. Phillie Mignon

5. Bottled Hot Dog Cart Water

4. Yankee Noodly Dandy

3. Kansas City Royale with Cheese

2. Spaghetti with meatballs and either Red or White Sox

1. Giant Nuggets

Round Robin results for the Yummy Four are in and the top two snacks are Brownies and Ice Cream.

Those two snacks will face off for the Snackdown Championship.

French Fries and Donuts will compete in the consolation game.  (yes, Snacketology is like the NIT)

First referenced as what we’d call ‘holes’ in 1808 and not developed in the recognized ring shape we love now for 70 years, the winner of the Cavity Snacket is Donuts!  They easily defeated Cinnamon Rolls 11-5.

Existing as snow cones with nuts and honey for 4000 years but in modern recipes for only 250, the Dinner Snacket was decided on the final vote as Ice Cream defeats Buffalo Wings 10-9.

Straight from the ovens of Bangor, Maine, the flopped cake lives on in the Y4 as Brownies beat out the highly regarded Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups 13-6 to win the Hershey Snacket.

Rounding out the Yummy 4, they should probably be called Belgian instead but we’ll live with the name French Fries as they easily defeat the Doritos family of flavored snacks by a 14-4 score to clinch the Thirsty Snacket.

Donuts, Ice Cream, Brownies and French Fries make up the 2009 Yummy Four.

Voting for the Finals will begin today – hold onto your stomachs!

The results from the Sweet and Salty Sixteen features a pair of blowouts and a pair of ties.

Cavity Snacket

Donuts destroyed Pop Tarts 17-1 and Cinnamon Rolls upset Rice Krispy Treats 9-7.

Dinner Snacket

Buffalo Wings upset Cheesecake 11-9 and Ice Cream won easily over Pie 12-4.

Hershey Snacket

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups knocked out Snickers 10-7 and Brownies destroyed Chocolate Milkshakes 17-4.

Thirsty Snacket

Both matches were draws that were decided by tiebreaker: French Fries over Popcorn 10-10 and Doritos over Chex Mix 9-9.

These Snacket Finals will make up the Great Ate to start on Wednesday.

Here are the Round II results of Snacketology and the resulting Sweet and Salty Sixteen Matchups.

Cavity Snacket

Donuts defeated Licorice 14-5.  Rice Krispy Treats defeated Popsicles 14-4, Cinnamon Rolls beat Caramel Corn 13-6 and Pop-Tarts upset Gummi Bears 11-6.

Matchups: Donuts (1 seed) vs Pop-Tarts (5) and Rice Krispy Treats (2) vs Cinnamon Rolls (3)

Dinner/Wildcard Snacket

Cheesecake defeated S’Mores 12-6, Ice Cream beat Cupcakes 14-4, Pie beat Cake 8-8 (overtime win) and Buffalo Wings defeated Cheese 10-9.

Matchups: Cheesecake (1) vs Buffalo Wings (4) and Ice Cream (2) vs Pie (3)

Hershey Snacket

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups defeated Chocolate Chip Cookies 10-8, Brownies destroyed Oreos 19-1, Chocolate Milkshake upset M&Ms 12-6 and Snickers defeated the Hershey Bar, 13-4.

Matchups: Reese’s PBC (1) vs Snickers (4) and Brownies (2) vs Chocolate Milkshake (6)

Thirsty Snacket

Popcorn defeated Pringles 11-8, Chex Mix beat Tortilla Chips 12-4, Doritos defeated Potato Chips 9-6 and French Fries crushed Cheetos 19-2.

Matchups: Popcorn (1) vs French Fries (4) and Chex Mix (2) vs Doritos (3)

As you can see, lots of chalk results and just 2 upsets. 

Voting for the Sweet and Salty Sixteen starts on Monday the 30th.