Stupid Sports » Words

Fix the Pro Bowl

Tim — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:50:13 +0000

We need to face it – the Pro Bowl, as you have noticed, stinks to high heck. Nobody plays defense, half the selected players don’t want to play and the game is more XBox then Double X Man coverage. Something needs to be done to avoid this misery any longer.

First issue – the players don’t want to go. I don’t blame them – the season is over, you can get hurt, no ramifications. It’s easy to see how they would feel that way.

First fix – I only want players in a game that care or will try. Ever watch the 4th quarter of a pre-season game? You have if you want to see guys fighting for their pro lives to get on the squad. My solution – don’t compel players to play. As much as I want to see Drew Brees, if he isn’t going to give 100% I’d rather have someone who will.

Second issue – no defense. Barely any blocking, no hard hits. The last time a guy got tackled hard in the Pro Bowl was probably the last time Lyle Alzado was in the game. (side note – cooler name than Alzado? I dunno, I like it a lot.)

Third issue – the scoreboard lights up like a Christmas tree due to lack or coverage, blitzing and pressure.

Solutions to 2nd and 3rd issues? Award points for defensive plays. I know, it’s not real football. New flash – neither is this nonsense. Give points for a QB sack give a point for making the other team punt. I don’t know how the scoring would work, but I do know that playing against a defense that doesn’t try is like lining up the Giants against my old junior high – cruel and pointless.

The Tao of In n Out

Tim — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:10:14 +0000

In n Out burger has a litany of secret menu options and ordering rules and the only people who know them are the ones on the inside – the menu is a weapons-grade-guarded secret and you can only glean info by eavesdropping or by someone at InO management pulling you into the fold.

Kinda like Scientology. Can I order my Thetan Burger double-double-animal style?

Annoyed

Tim — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 02:43:19 +0000

When did we reach the point where everyone says ‘literally’ 5 times in every 8 minute conversation? Please stop. Half of you aren’t using it correctly and the other half use it too often. Just knock it off.

Winnipeg

Tim — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 14:08:55 +0000

Please, go ahead and name them the Jets. It’s a cool name.

psiphiaudio.com

Tim — Thu, 12 May 2011 19:36:57 +0000

New films posted in the Hypothetical Movie Reviews. Check’em out.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Tim — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:46:07 +0000

Check out www.psiphiaudio.com

D*&dwood

Tim — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 19:53:38 +0000

I just read that over the course of ‘Deadwood’, roughly 3 dozen episodes, there were nearly 3000 uses of the f-bomb (in the multiple colorful variations). Something around 100 per episode. I wonder if that is a record. I think it is, narrowly beating ‘Clarissa Explains It All’.

Prop bets

Tim — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 21:40:19 +0000

My fav Super Bowl prop bet so far? The

over/under

on how long the word ‘brave’ will last at the end of C.Aguilera’s national anthem? 6 seconds.

Word Play Masters

Tim — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 02:01:53 +0000

http://washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com/?page_id=45

Please go and vote for my word : PLACEBOW

Nickname Rules

Tim — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 17:36:51 +0000

For those who have forgotten and need the reminder or for those who never knew.

First Rule of Nicknames : You can’t pick your own nickname.

Second Rule of Nicknames : You shouldn’t have a nickname that someone else already has.

Third Rule of Nicknames : Using the first initial of your first name and first syllable of your last name is NOT a nickname – it is you being too lazy to say your own damn name.