Not only did Denver fold like a house of cards in a tornado, but they ruined a perfectly good column.  I was all set to write about how they were the worst team to make the playoffs in…forever…and they blow it by getting blown out again.

Only the Lions and the Rams gave up more points than Denver did this year. Seriously, the Steelers gave up HALF as many points.  Now, instead of my great Bronco mocking column I must mock someone else.  To that point, here is the NFL’s bottom 5 for the year.

5. Detroit.  0-16. OO-16.  Ohhhh-16.  Ohmygoddoesthisteamsuckonalllevels-16. It’s not enough for the Lions to get the first pick of the draft - they buried the needle.  Too bad for them there is not one single clearly-defined number one college player to draft first. A couple of QBs, a couple of linemen… and the Lions need about 10 starters. Detroit should offer up the pick for as many as they can get, not just first rounders. With so many needs they should take a multitude of players, picks and cash and plug up the whole team.

4. Jets/Broncos/Cowboys.  3 teams that basically needed one win the final 3 weeks to get in and managed nothing at all.  The Jets started 8-3 and seemed a lock, then lost 4 out of 5.  Denver had a 3 game lead with 3 to go – the real bummer was the humiliating defeat to the Raiders at home.  And Dallas? They lost 3 of 4 when their end-of-season talent-heavy schedule came home to roost. 2-5 vs playoff teams. Simply put they just didn’t deserve it.

3. Officiating.  Some bad calls this year – and the inability to get a call right after you realize the mistake.

2. Coaching.  If the head coach doesn’t know how to manage the clock better then the legions of double-thumb-jointed kids in the Playstation Generation, you know you have a problem. Romeo Crennel makes Art Shell look like The Thinker.  The next time an NFL head coach has any idea when to run for a 2-pt conversion will be the first time they had an idea.

1. Bad teams in the playoffs.  I loooove the fact that New England goes 11-5 and sits while 8-7 Denver and 7-8 San Diego fight it out for a playoff spot.  I also loooove the fact that the teams with better records don’t get the home games. Honestly, can the NFL ever get that right?

NFL – we love you despite the fact you always seem to get so many things wrong.

Obama taking over the Presidency is like whomever becomes the next General Manager of the Detroit Lions.

On the plus side, you inherit a winless team with dishearthened fans who will treat even the slightest improvement like Indiana Jones finding the Holy Grail – Starving fans who will drool for the White Castle you provide as if Wolfgang Puck himself conjured it.

On the minus, the team you get is in a tremendous pit – you have 20 holes to fill on the roster and only 7 draft picks and a few million in salary to stop the gaps. You know going into the first season that you cannot in any way cure every ill in less than 24 months and may not be able to cure some of those problems period.

On the plus side, the job is still a position of respect and power with an organization that, dating back, has a long history of success and pride despite recent failures.

On the minus side, if you pull a 2-14 in the first season you’ll catch heat for stuff that was broken long before you arrived.  It’s like moving into a frat house before the Pinto and Flounder’s breakage walk-thru.

On the plus side, you are given freedom to make whatever wholesale modifications are needed even if the team has never gone that direction in the past and there is no proof your moves will actual better the situation – because people want to trust the mystique of the New Guy.

On the minus, if you try wholesale changes and they rapidly turn south you’ll be the butt of late-night television jokes that mock the very characteristics that formerly were considered ‘endearing’, ‘quirky’ or ‘eccentric’.

It’s a good gig – if you can bring home even a marginal winner.  And if you cannot – it will bring you down faster than a sack of rocks in the river.