10. In an effort to prove that Kim Jong Il is still alive, his government arranges him as a contestant on ‘Deal or No Deal’.  Kim only wins $500 and subsequently orders the execution of models 21 thru 26.

9. Steven Hawking hosts hilarious ‘Pimp My Motorized Cart’ sketch in SNL digital short with Andy Samberg.  The video becomes the most downloaded YouTube clip of the year.

8. Knight Rider returns to NBC – on purpose.

7. At the Super Bowl halftime show Justin Timberlake inadvertently exposes the bare nipple of Larry King.  The SEC fines CBS a record eleventy-billion dollars.

6. Fox News Hologram of Will.I.Am leads an election night Roddy McDowell-Caesar-like overthrow of their electronic delegate board, declaring half the states won by Obama and the other half forming a new country of Holomerica.

5. Dreamy Anderson Cooper reveals his health secrets: a no-salt diet and sleeping every night on a bed of romaine lettuce.  Sales of romaine spike by 6000%

4. The Hills.  Not the fact that the show is popular, but the fact that this program is just so pathetic.  The water hazard on a putt-putt golf course has greater depth.

3. The Daytime Emmy was awarded to the new “Carrot Top o’ the Morning” talk show.

2. David Letterman rips John McCain for canceling his guest appearance – then Dave goes off the deep end and criticizes the cancelled appearances of John Lennon, former VP Schuyler Colfax and Pliny the Elder.

1. The emergence on NBC’s fall lineup of yet another police serial from Dick Wolf – Law and Order: Crossing Guard Unit.

10. In a holding cell

9. In a manger

8. Charles Manson’s backyard

7. In a judge’s chambers

6. In confession

5. The international space station

4. At a pre-existing crime scene

3. The petting zoo

2. Vatican City

and the worst place to commit murder

1. In a hot air balloon

10.  This is Hillary – its not so funny when it happens to you, is it?

9.  This is the mortgage company – your last check bounced.

8. This is WalMart.  Do you want your greeter job back?

7. You been punk’d

6. So… you gonna start showing up for Senate votes any time soon?

5. This is Sarah – so do I have to give all these clothes back?

4. This is Towel City – your monogrammed ‘Hail to the Chief’ towels are ready to be picked up

3. No, seriously, your mortgage check for the other house bounced too.

2. ‘Good evening, this automated message is from Barack Obama reminding you to vote this November 4th…’

and the number one message left on John McCain’s answering machine

1.  “This is George W – wanna go fishing?